My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
you never un-have a 4some
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize