seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
