If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
