Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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