Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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