...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
