I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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