birth control should be required to get into college
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
