I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
