I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
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Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
