WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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