She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
