I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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