i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize