shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
