the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
