I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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