Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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