There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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