would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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