Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
