you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
