We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize