Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
