omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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