I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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