I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
