What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
