If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
