I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So squirting runs in the family.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
