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• (830): View more from Texas

  If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors

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• (416): View more from Ontario

  that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.

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• (606): View more from Kentucky

  I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides

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• (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian

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