I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
