It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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