I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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