I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
