Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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