I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I can't turn off my feet"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
