And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
