I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
