i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
