We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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