Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
