shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
