Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The air taste purple.
Randomize
