So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You need Xanax blowdarts
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
