I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
