I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize