when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
