so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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