I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
