i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
His nipple licking is glorious
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