you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
