What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
