You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
