Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
