I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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