He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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