either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
babies were throwing up all over the place
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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