I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
