I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize