doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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