Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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