is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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