Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
