you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
