Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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