he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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