you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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